My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
