She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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