i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize