I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
