I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
