I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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