fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
