Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize