You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
