Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
