i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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