Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
