2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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