don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
