is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
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