they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
