Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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