STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
