If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
