i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize