so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
