yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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