There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
