I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
