don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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