is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
its liver damage thursday
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
