We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Randomize
