we're blogging at a bar
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
