I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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