I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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