weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
