NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
