ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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