so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
