I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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