lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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