Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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