Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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