if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
vagina is talking i cant
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
