Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
