She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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