But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
