The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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