I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
