It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
