We're facebook friends in real life
17 year olds will be the death of me.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize