Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize