I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
