Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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