Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Randomize
