the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
