As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
