it wasn't lemon gatorade
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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