maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You ruined the universe
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
