i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize