I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize