i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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