Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Randomize
