Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
