my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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