I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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