no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
