woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
