I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
