Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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