so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
