Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
