yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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