i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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