you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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