I accidentally burped into my bong.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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