Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize