Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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