i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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