I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
