I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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