when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
