You made me cry and you don't even care
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize