I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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