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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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