She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
My vagina just recognized that song.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
