I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Randomize