Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
