I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
