K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
