Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
