hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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