So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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