i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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