People with herpes should wear stickers.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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