Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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