he told me I talked like a deaf person
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
