Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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