I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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