Little spoons don't ask big questions
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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