If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
