I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
