Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I supernannyed him into submission
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
