You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
