my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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