I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
